I didn’t know that I will encounter the word “contemplative” again at this time and age. That word has been out of my vocabulary for a long time! Although some 25 years ago, I leaned towards the “missionary” life instead of the “contemplative” life when asked to choose.
One of the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises asks that I “contemplate” – enter the scene, be present, and submerge myself into the experience.
I couldn’t help but stop my breathing as I take the initial second of awkwardness and deep silence while “contemplating.” The feeling was the same as being with your long-time friend who has parted ways with you, and when you met again, you could no longer find any more connections or middle ground.
There are many times in my life that I have failed to walk in the shoes of others. I have become comfortably lazy and selfishly self-assured that I have missed the opportunities to nurture and cultivate relationships.
But the feeling was also vastly different because even as I hold my breath, I could feel the love, understanding, and forgiveness emanating from His heart. And in an instant, great warmth replaced the feelings of unworthiness.
And surprisingly, I love that.